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Ali Wong has several specials on Netflix, one film, and a TV series. She is very funny. I bought her book as soon as it came out, but it quickly got pushed into the “to-read” pile. Then one day, I wanted to take a break from philosophical books and read something funny that wouldn’t require too many brain cells. I devoured her book (in audio version because I was really too lazy to read), and I was laughing out loud. It is an autobiographical book, written as if it were addressed to her two daughters (when they turn 21, since there are quite a few graphic details). She talks about the behind-the-scenes reality of being an American female comedian, the sacrifices, the fears, the risks of the profession, and the long road she took to become successful.
Ali Wong is of Vietnamese and Chinese descent. She did an exchange in Hanoi, and it is very interesting to see how someone who wants to discover part of her heritage, but knows nothing about Vietnam and does not speak Vietnamese, sees the country and tries to fit in while still being fully American. Why she prefers dating other Asian Americans, having grown up in an Asian community, while some other Asian friends living in Texas, for example, have a completely different connection to Asian identity. I think this is a problem for many second-generation Asians: they do not really know exactly who they are, and they do not feel fully integrated, neither in the West nor in the East, because no country sees them as a local. Finally, what Ali does not mention in her book is that she was born at a time when her father was at the peak of his career. Yet, throughout her writing and her performances, one gets the impression that she grew up in hardship. This poverty mindset comes from her mother, who, despite the success and financial stability she later achieved, never managed to leave survival mode. So even though Ali did not directly experience that poverty, she inherited it through her upbringing. This is a fairly common phenomenon in Asian cultures: although China is now the world’s second-largest power, many still maintain a survival mindset and an unbalanced relationship with money. It is therefore essential that current and future generations fully move away from this mindset in order to free themselves from anxiety and greed.
I also recommend the channel of Chris Zou, a very funny and insightful gay Asian Canadian who travels a lot and meets many friends who tell him about local people and the mentality of each country. Being Canadian but of Chinese descent, and speaking Japanese, he also has the challenge of not speaking French even though he is in a relationship with a French-speaking Canadian. His videos are very funny.
Ali Wong opens the book by telling the story of how she met her husband. It is great to have two points of view, because Ali describes the encounter from her POV, but her husband closes the book in the last chapter by telling HIS version of the meeting. According to Ali, he did not pay her much attention, did not find her particularly attractive, and she had to put in a huge amount of effort to seduce him, convinced that he was “way out of her league”. We find out in the final chapter what Justin was really thinking.
When Ali Wong’s first Netflix special came out, I think it was right at the beginning of the “trad wife” movement. It was shocking but also amusing to the audience. The whole special revolved around the idea that she wanted to be a stay-at-home wife and not work. In the book, she revisits this dream of becoming a trad wife, but with more serious detail and more perspective. It is funny to read this passage now that the trad wife movement is becoming more and more mainstream in the US, because she quickly realized that the trad wife influencers and the real trad wife did not have the same budgets at all 😀
Ultimately, my favorite chapter is Justin’s, Ali’s husband’s. He was the target of jokes in both of Ali’s specials (which she justifies by calling him her “muse”), and we learn in the book that he understands it is art, and that the jokes are read and approved by him beforehand, but he does not hide his fear and shame at the beginning. The book was published in 2019, but the couple has since separated. Sometimes we look at a couple and do not understand what a remarkable person is doing with someone who seems much less impressive, but we forget the essential point: when they first found each other, they were vibrating at the same level. One lacked self-love, the other lacked parental love and attention. Then one grew. The other stayed where he was. It is the same logic with that friend we adore: with us, he is a 900/1000, with great energy, radiant presence, and outstanding intelligence. But at the office, in an environment that is not suited to him, our friend may lack emotional intelligence, dropping to 200/1000 in the eyes of his colleagues. As a result: no promotion, no projects that help him grow. Energy level is not constant. And when you feel it dropping, the worst thing to do is make hasty decisions: you attract situations and people with vibes lower than your usual energetic level. Justin met Ali right after being overwhelmed by memories of horrific crimes, which explains his drop in energy; the universe gave him a woman who did not match his light. Hence the need to constantly pull yourself upward in order to meet people who elevate you and gain access to your own intuition. It was with this reflection that I watched the film Materialists in a different light.
You can discover her book in audio, e-book, or hardcover (Amazon link), in English only, but it is easy English because, as she says herself, she does not know complicated words since she has a terrible SAT score.
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